Dating a rape victim
At first this was just the typical "he was so bad, selfish, controlling, misogynistic etc" but I could tell there as something else going on here.After a while she opened up to me that in fact he had raped her..time went on she told me more and more, she was really confiding in me.
Therefore, by definition a husband could not be charged with the crime of raping his wife.Finally, NO, I am not going to heed any advice suggesting I run away from this...please..assume I have decided to see this through..leave it at that. I guess the question is whether her issue will be touch making her in some way relive the rape or if she's past that point and it's really just a matter of finding it very hard to trust. I have no idea why, but my past relationships sure have that theme in common. If all men just go "oh God, too hard" and disappear on her..does that work? It's about having the self-respect to walk away from a situation where your needs aren't being met, and probably never will be. Just don't expect other people to join you in your superhero delusion. They have good counselors there, and advice was free. It would be good if she discussed everything with a counselor, including if she wants to report this to police.You said she was uncomfortable about the kiss, but how is she if you put your arm around her or hold her hand? Lastly, as I already stated, my ex W and I had professional counseling with a psychologist and she stated her rape issues in that counseling. Look, she is using you for comfort - like a teddy bear. I am a strong person, but I needed the help of the specialist counseling to deal with my own state of mind, plus making a police report.As Kersti Yllö states in the prologue of Understanding Marital Rape In a Global Context, "In some cultures, consent is not even something that an individual wife can give.The families that arranged the marriage guarantee her permanent consent." Since the final decades of the 20th century, in much of the world, rape has come to be broadly regarded as sexual intercourse (including anal or oral penetration) without a person's consent, making rape illegal, including among people who know each other or who have previously had consensual sex.Essentially, it was an emotional hook to activate 'protect and serve' male instincts and these folks were experts at it. Now, I did get married many years later and got a similar revelation but it was long after sex had begun and before we married when we were talking about having kids and she revealed her assault, pregnancy and abortion and later counseling to deal with it. She is considering her options around reporting him to the police, knowing that it will mean dragging things out for months/years to come. Only a counselor can help her determine what is best for her, you can not help with that part.
Now, I did get married many years later and got a similar revelation but it was long after sex had begun and before we married when we were talking about having kids and she revealed her assault, pregnancy and abortion and later counseling to deal with it. This was duplicated in MC much later, right down to precise specifics, so I tended to believe her. Take it slow and, if you feel positive about things, keep showing up. Tonight I am helping her with some court documents. Nah, I just have more life experience with women than you do. However, I am sure there are practical things you can support her with.
Acquaintance rape also includes rapes in which the victim and perpetrator have been in a non-romantic, non-sexual relationship, for example as co-workers or neighbors.
Historically, in much of the world, rape was seen as a crime of theft of a man's property (usually either a husband or father).
The event happened 9 months ago, he assaulted her in the second week...
OK, first things first, a lot of men would bale at this point, putting this firmly into the "too hard" basket.
But if it's just trust, honestly, you just let her know you are not the type who is callous and doesn't mind hurting people and that you'd be honest with her if things don't work out and not just leave her dangling or whatever, but that you are in it with good intentions. However, I am sure there are practical things you can support her with.