Interratial gay dating
After graduating, I moved to New York, and though here I was able to find queer friends who are also people of color, we are still always in the minority at gay bars and clubs.
He questioned why Black men in particular want so desperately to be acknowledged as desirable by white men who have no interest in dating outside their race.All of this has shed a glaring light on my internal struggle.About a year ago, I came across an article entitled "28 Questions for Black Men Who Only Date White Men." Each question from the article was a damning indictment of my apparently not-so-simple dating choices.My childhood in the Black church led me to believe that Black people were inherently homophobic — a myth — and that the only Black men who were gay were on the down low or infected with HIV — also a myth.Within my own family, I had two gay uncles who died of AIDS-related illnesses before I was 10.As a dark-skinned Black man, I have faced both overt and subtle instances of racism from white gay men.
The ways in which I have been objectified and fetishized by them has often made me feel that I’m only good enough for sex and not for a relationship.
I’ve received messages that said, "I love BBC," or "I never been with a Black guy before," or, on the opposite end of the "no Blacks" spectrum, I've seen white men who are "not into white guys, sorry."When I'm dating a white man, I occasionally feel like I need to confront the issue of race head-on and acknowledge the difference in life experiences between me and my partner.
It can be frustrating, but also deeply enriching, to teach someone about my cultural upbringing.
They were estranged from our family, partly because of their health and their sexual orientation.
I never had the chance to speak to either one while they were alive, but I often wonder what advice or mentorship they could have provided me as a young Black gay male coming of age in such a sheltered environment.
Could we all be perpetuating internalized racism by consciously, or even unconsciously, excluding Black men and other men of color as romantic prospects?